i'm typing this as i'm lying on my authentic pink velvet mid century couch. it's pretty comfy considering the cushion is currently at home in jersey being treated for cat vomit casualties. anyways. i'm sick. like actually sick. i've been like this for the past week but also the past 6 years. ibs is really not a vibe but at least people feel bad for me sometimes.  ive been non stop self medicating with bong rips out of my mirrored magenta louis Vuitton bong but jeez is this painful. it sucks being sick while your young. especially bc i legit just always feel like an old lady. 

i feel like everything i do is old ladyish. i sew and i love cats. that's rlly my whole personality right there. like i could just end there and feel like it's a good summery on myself as a person. my first word was cat. that is not a joke. ok so ya besides that i only like old things like vintage antique ect. even my ash tray is a little antique porcelain shoe. underneath it is a huge hand crochet lace table cloth given to me by a real old lady. in the group of women i used to trap stray cats with my mom in philly there is this older woman named

rosemary who spoils tf outta me. to be fair it's mostly shit no body would want but for me it's treasure. old perfume bottles, tacky jewelry, hand knitted clothing, but the star of the show is her lace collection. one day she was like "oh i have some lace i could give you are you interested?" duh. pulls up with MULTIPLE trash bags just filled. old women have the best shit amd bc i'm a 21 year old that self identities with them i reap the rewards. we luv eachother. idk where i was going abt this but i really am an old woman at heart and these days i feel it physically too.

i've had to take about a week off work which was hard. first off bc duh i wanna make money but also i have such a deep love for creating that when i'm physically or mentally unable to i get really sad. creating is really my only healthy coping mechanism so now i'm profiting off of it full time. even when it's before a drop and i'm stressed about quotas i really do love making clothes. i enjoy designing more than the act of sewing but at the end of the day just seeing finished garments is really satisfying. i luv bringing items back from the dead and another life or 2.

i was briefly in the hospital so of course i have to fill you guys in on what i wore 

  • betsy johnson baby doll dress
  • tripp nyc zipper skirt
  • black and pink striped socks
  • doc martens 
  • black velvet zip up

very cute outfit for the occasion. i needed something comfy but also like I NEED TO BE THE HOTTEST BITCH IN THE ER. ok but also to be real fashion is such a comfort. like ya this sucks but at least i look and feel cool and at least if i feel like i'm dying this betsy johnson baby doll dress will make it to the after life. any situation that makes you feel uncomfortable and scared calls for a good outfit. 

my number one issue with hospitals and anything medical tbh is it's so authoritative. like ur not my boss idc shut up why is it 63 degrees in here im not in fucking jail. 

i'm lucky to have a very solid support system in nyc tho. my boyfriend took me to the hospital but if he wasn't around to do it i know i would have multiple friends to count on. he wasn't even that mad at me that i left his expensive woven blanket from Budapest in the hospital bed. (again i'm sorry baby)  

it's all over now tho im back at the dollhouse. having health issues sucks but i'm very grateful to have a job where i can take a week off if needed and no body is mad at me. being my own boss means i'm in charge of my own suffering and most americans don't have that privelege. 

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